So you want to be evil?
by Radszilla
Summary: This story it is basically a continuous story of Voldemort and his followers trying to be evil, but not succeeding. Includes adventures in other countries, such as President Voldemort, and Snape's Penguin Encounter
1. Voldemort's 1st Follower

A/N: Hello. Welcome to my first humor, and although I've written other stories before this is my first time at a try with a humor fic. Some of the best humor stories out there right now are those with Voldy and his death eaters, that's what this is. Recommended stories include 'Making Friendship bracelets for Death Eaters' Once upon a Freak'n Time' and 'Voldemort and his faithful death eater's larks' This is humor, and for the most part no actual story plotline. In this most of the Death Eater's are extremely stupid with the exception of Snape, mentions of innuendo(some of it not on purpose), guest stars appear at random and are asked for by you the readers and reviewers. I have no idea how long this fic will last, but I hope enjoy. Have fun.

Summary: This story it is basically a continuous story of Voldemort and his followers trying to be evil, but not succeeding. Adventures include trips to other countries (which are usually a few chapters in length, and examples being President Voldemort of the United States, and Snape's Penguin Encounter), gathering new followers, plotting against the boy-who-would-not-die, and much more.

Disclaimer: I do not own the liabilities and perks of the Harry Potter world, if I did I wouldn't be needing a disclaimer for this story.

So you want to be evil?

Ch.1 Voldemort's first follower

The Lord of all evil, murderer of thousands, destroyer of millions, and annihilator of worlds, was currently twiddling his thumbs thinking of a new way to rule the world.

"I've got it." Voldemort said aloud and then apparated to his destination.

"Hello." Voldemort said to the man in front of him buying a weird shaped statue of a golden rat in 'Borgins and Burkes' whom he knew the name to be Peter Pettigrew.

"Ah! Oh no, they've found me, Sirius I swear I didn't steal the cookies from the cookie jar." Peter cried out loud sobbing uncontrollably.

"No, wait this is-" Voldemort was cut off by Peter's uncontrollable sobbing.

"All Right! I did do it. I did steal the cookies from the cookie jar. I couldn't help it, the delectable chocolate gooey, hot fresh, mouthwatering chocolate chip cookies, they were tempting me, they betrayed me! I swear I'll never do it again, forgive me!" Peter cried pathetically clinging to Voldemort's robes and kissing the hems.

"But I'm not." Voldemort tried to say before Peter continued to babble.

"I swear I had nothing to do with the theft of your stuffed animal, I swear! Mr. Trumples is fine, remember you had him back in Hogwarts last year you left him in the girls dorm after being caught by P-Professor McGonagall."

"Listen I don't care for-" Voldemort began beginning to get angry.

"All right! I admit it I did steal Mr. Trumples. But who wouldn't, he was fluffy and plush, and nice and pink, he was the only one who ever listened to me as I often got in trouble for **your **pranks. Yes I stole him, and I'd do it again. You'll never get Mr. Trumples back!" Peter said in having a major mood swing, he turned around and began scuttling away after turning into his rat form he dubbed Scabbers.

"Accio Rat." Voldemort said lazily, and although Peter did come to him, so did about twenty more rats, and the people in the store looked at him weirdly, clinging to the rats and slowly making their way out of the store. Unfortunately for him as he called the rats to him Peter decided to change forms in air, and Voldemort was hit in the gut, by the rather fat man.

"Oh Sirius! I'm s-so sorry! P-please f-forgive me! I'll even give back Mr. Trumples, just don't prank me!" Peter began sobbing uncontrollably, and picked up a rat and began squeezing it sadly, not moving off of Voldemort. Voldemort crawled his way out , and removed a rat from his hair before glaring at the rat named Peter.

"I'll have you know, I am not Sirius." Voldemort began before being interrupted by the man soon named Wormtail for the rest of his life.

"I know your not serious, your Sirius, also known as Padfoot and Marauder number 2. Where as I poor, poor Peter Pettigrew known as Wormtail is below you in everything." Wormtail said trying to make Sirius/Voldemort sad for him, and hopefully not be pranked. Voldemort had finally had enough.

"Now listen here Worm! I am not Sirius! My name is Lord Voldemort and if you don't follow my every whim from now on and forever more, then I'll tell Sirius about Mr. Trumples and the cookies missing from the cookie jar!"

"No! Anything, but that. I'll do everything you say, I'll be your loyal humbler servant, but please don't tell Sirius!" Wormtail begged pathetically getting down on his hands and knees and begging.

Voldemort stopped to think, didn't he just make the same deal a moment ago? No matter.

"Very well I accept. Wormtail, now you're going to help me get more followers. Come on!" Voldemort said happily and skipping away, Wormtail clumsily following behind.

A/N: How was it? Wormtail is supposed to be a whiny baby who has obsessions for cookies and is paranoid of pranks. The next few chapters will have Voldemort gain more followers and then come up with a name, and then lots of misadventures and guest appearances. Hope you enjoyed Please read and review, it makes me happy!


	2. Voldemort teaches Wormtail

A/N: Second Chapter and Voldemort gets another follower in the next chapter. A few more chapters to go before the entrance of guests and other country adventures.

Disclaimer: I do not own the liabilities and perks of the Harry Potter world, if I did I wouldn't be needing a disclaimer for this story.

Lucius: Thank you. Thank you. You have like no idea like what this means to me! I'm so happy to be here!

Zilla: Yes, it's good to see you.

Lucius: You mean it? You really mean it? Oh I lust like love you guys! Now I'm going to go get my nails done, and be like right back. Okay?

Draco: Hey dad, I get to come too!

Lucius: Okay son! Let's go! 'Lucius and Draco skip off to get their nails done, and hence enter-"

In which Voldemort Teaches Wormtail

"Where oh, where did my little followers go? Where o where did they go!" Voldemort was singing in a very terrible and obnoxious voice. Wormtail was following behind trying to look inconspicuous and praying he didn't see anyone he knew.

"Wormtail, what are you doing? Sing along!" Voldemort said before continuing to 'sing' and unfortunately Wormtail began soon after, causing a few shops to close within the vicinity of Hogsmeade where they were searching for new followers.

"Voldemort." Wormtail began before being abruptly cut off, but Voldemort.

"My Lord." Voldemort murmured.

"What!" Wormtail asked confused.

"My lord. You shall from this day foreword call me 'My lord'." Voldemort said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Uh. I mean my lord, why?" Wormtail asked.

"Because it says so in my book titled 'So you want to be evil?." Voldemort said taking out a very large yellow and blue book. "It says 'All followers of evil, mainly Dark Lords are to call their master(you) by only three things, My Lord, Excellency, or Master."

"Oh." Wormtail said confused, before deciding Voldemort was crazy and he would rather be munching contently on a half-eaten piece of mint leaves as Scabbers. His musing were cut short as the Dark Lord exclaimed.

"Ah, look over there! It's Lucius and his son Draco, the Malfoys have long supported my cause. Come Wormtail." Voldemort said excitedly, walking quickly to 'Nail, Hair, and Teeth Beauty Saloon'.

"B-but, My lord-"

"Quit sniveling Wormtail, we must gain more followers." Voldemort said before gliding, yes, literally gliding over to Lucius and Draco, stopping at the entrance to the saloon.

"My lord?" Wormtail asked confused at why Voldemort had stopped in front of the door.

"Be very, very quiet. Don't want anyone to see or hear what we're planning. According to 'So you want to be evil?' on page forty forty-one it states, and I quote. _Whenever one of such evil nature as yourself decides to go out into the world, one such as yourself needs an inconspicuous disguise._ See. It says right there." Voldemort said putting the book in Wormtail's face and pointing at the rather fat man dressed in a pink tutu pretending to sneak around a bunch of rooted trees.

(About twenty minutes later)

"How do I look?" Voldemort asked his most loyal(and only) follower. He pushed down his robes, so they wouldn't look too wrinkly. Wormtail wrinkled his nose in disgust before all of a sudden tying to convince Voldemort that he didn't do something.

"Uh. I swear I didn't think anything bad. I swear." Wormtail cried before shutting up. Voldemort was currently dressed in a superfluous pink robe and it had been to Wormtail's excellent debate that he decided against wearing the tights that came with the outfit.

"Wormtail, did you just think something bad about me?" Voldemort asked glaring at Wormtail.

"H-how did you know?" Wormtail asked in awe totally forgetting he had been the one who told him.

"I uh. It uh it, did I tell you I can read minds? I'm a very accomplished Occlumens and legilimens, so don't lie to me." Voldemort said using Wormtail's forgetfulness to his advantage. He almost laughed aloud to himself. He then stepped up to Wormtail and leaned down and whispered cruelly into his ear, "Because I always know the truth."

Wormtail gulped audibly before bringing up the courage to speak.

"Vol-My lord. Are you sure people won't recognize who you are? I mean not many people go around wearing superfluous robes." Wormtail said sagely. Voldemort seemed to stop and think about what he had said, then a minute later gliding like a bat inside the saloon.

"Why do I have a bad feeling about this?" Wormtail whimpered to himself, before stepping into the saloon.

A/N: Another chapter done, the chapters will get longer once all the death eater are introduced. Next chapter we meet Lucius and Draco and a little incident occurs in the saloon, then after will be another death eater who will terrify Wormtail, and after that we get to the greatest death eater of them all. Hope you enjoy and please read and review.


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